How the storch stole childbirth

Everybody knows about the story of how the storch delivers babies. We’ve seen it in movies, cartoons, comics and about all other media has surely in some way mentioned it. Children often gets to learn about how to storch delivers babies to the anticipating parents. When we grow up we learn that this was merely a tale to cover up how bloody and slime-covered a birth really is. But I can now reveal the truth about the storch and its origin, because childbirth is a hoax, a construction that ones was, but now just keeps us in the dark.

About 300 years ago, when animals talked and lived side by side with humans (I’ll get into that in a later post), a deal was made. The humans felt that the burden of childbirth, causing both pain and death, was something they’ll be glad to get rid off. A formal, public question was asked to the animal kingdom, if anyone could inherit the burden. The only one that replied was the storch, an animal that up until then was totally unknown.

Rules and restrictions was set up, and it was decided that the storch were to deliver babies, instead of humans being burden with childbirth. 200 years passed by, and the story of the storch-deal started to fade from people’s memories, the deal only lived on due to the Storch Baby Society (SBS) that was the keepers of the deal and the truth.The SBS noticed that people started to feel more and more strongly for the classical childbirth and wanted regular births again, as they started to forget about the deal. However, the human body had lost its strength as it never gave birth any more, so instead a hoax and a lie started to take form, to cover up the human mistake, and keeping peoples bodies from deteriorating when becoming pregnant. If not, the human race were to be erased from the face of the earth as we weren’t able to procreate.

This may seem hard to believe but it is done every day all over the world (except Cuba). When a woman believes she’s pregnant she visits the doctor who gives her an injection causing her belly to swell. Nine months later a new injection, with an incubation period of 3-6 weeks, causes the woman great pain and bleeding. At the hospital another injection, that is said to be for the pain that is actually a drug, causes the woman to be dizzy and not aware of the world around her (of course large parts of the medical community is in on the hoax), not noticing that the storch delivers her baby. The husbands was up until the 50s-60s not allowed to witness the birth, and was instead detained in a room smoking. But as the climate of equality changed, SBS changed the drug from liquid to a gas that is released in the air inside the delivery room (doctors and nurses are of course immune).

Now and then you hear stories of how someone has given birth at home or in a taxi, but these are just lies created to make the public believe in natural births.

One might ask if any harm is done, but the real loser is the storch who doesn’t get credited for its work.

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2 Comments

Filed under Conspiracy

2 responses to “How the storch stole childbirth

  1. Anna-Karen Lentz

    Fanciful idea, but really I don’t like the propagation myth that childbirth is unbearably painful, bloody and slimy. The less interference in the natural processes of birth, the easier and unmessier it gets. This is the real truth we have forgotten.

    Western hospital birth tends to be highly medicalised, with lots of (unneccessary and disruptive) interventions, leading to self-induced complications (iatrogenic cascade).

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