Category Archives: Facts

Super-violence: the “medium” choice

As you walk in to a fast food joint and order some fries, you can sometimes only choose between “Medium” and “Large”. Not many ponder on why there is no “Small” if there is a “Medium”, but we can all agree that something is missing. This doesn’t only happen in the fast food industry but also in the entertainment industry. We are all familiar with violence and even ultra-violence, but what about super-violence? As A Clockwork Orange hit the theatres a new term was coined: ultra-violence. Parents were outraged, schools became afraid of gangs forming and committees were established to protect people from this horrible abomination called ultra-violence. The movie contained graphic violence and lacked moral values. It was a huge leap from regular violence often depicted in movies. But nobody questioned that leap. Nobody questioned what even happened to super-violence. People were too busy being horrified. But the truth is that ultra-violence was a construction created by several censorship authorities as their futile attempts with super-violence never worked. As long as man has existed, scapegoats have existed along side with us. Before videogames, there were movies, and before movies it was Rock n’ Roll and Jazz and way back it was books. As people pull insane acts and do horrible things to others we can’t understand why they do it, so we blame it on something. Like a book, or music or a movie, saying that the movie corrupt people’s minds and make them kill others. This makes it easier for people to deal with the situation. Toward the end of the 1960s, due to the hippie era and the Vietnam war, people became more accustom to violence and lack of moral values so it became hard to blame massacres and rape on movies or books. Something new became necessary so that people wouldn’t have to look within themselves. Several censorship authorities realised this and decided that something needed to be done, someone had to turn up the volume, so they created super-violence. They figured that movies, which were largely popular at the time, maybe could be even more violent and be stripped of values and virtues so that the population once again could be at internal peace. By creating a subsidiary called the Allondo Film Company they invested in several movies to hopefully create violent movies so that we once again could blame stuff on something. The Wild Bunch was one of the first new movies that included “super-violence”. The censorship authorities however, failed miserably. As The Wild Bunch took place in the wild west people didn’t get hardly as upset as the Allondo Film Company had hoped for. Everybody knew that the Wild West was violent and the whole concept of super-violence faded away. The authorities didn’t know what to do. Super-violence was a failure but people still sought scapegoats and people became afraid of themselves. The Allondo Film Company moved to England and changed name to PPR Entertainment and invested in a new director called Stanley Kubrick. Apparently he wanted to do a movie with extreme violence and more or less no moral values: a movie with super-violence just like The Wild Bunch. But PPR Entertainment stepped in and contributed with money and discussed with Kubrick if not the movie would benefit from even more violence. Maybe even ultra-violence. This time the authorities wouldn’t do any mistakes and as A Clockwork Orange hit the theatres people, families and committees once again could join in protest with their fingers pointed towards Hollywood. The ultra-violence was born thanks to the extreme violence the movie depicted but also because the movie took place in the future, which scared people, as they believed that, it was where we were headed. Super-violence was quickly forgotten and later even hid from the history books. Instead ultra-violence inherited the throne as the #1 scapegoat.

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Jesus’s date

As Jesus walked the sandy streets of Nazareth, performing some miracles here and there, he didn’t were a tool belt, instead he spread dates around him. The carpenter approach is in fact a façade, applied on the Jesus legend as Christianity spread throughout the world. Carpentry around 20 A.D wasn’t that common, as many houses were carved out of mountains or made from clay. The nomad lifestyle was much more accepted so not everybody had houses and leprosy was rather popular too, forcing people to live on the streets. Instead, Jesus made his living growing and selling dates. He had obtained a date field in his teens, where he harvested dates to be sold on the market. This doesn’t change whether he was God’s son or not, or if he performed miracles, but nevertheless, the image of Jesus as a carpenter his distorted.

The reason for altering Jesus occupation is the lack of date-popularity in the world during the 10th century. Dried fruits were something for the rich, and common peasants had never heard of it. But it was these peasants who were the main demographic for the new Christian church rising in Europe. To make Jesus both almighty, but still “regular”, it was decided that it would be beneficial if Jesus had a job. Jesus of course had a job, but to be able connect with common folks the church decided to alter reality. Not only because people hadn’t heard of dates, but also because the son of God actually was an entrepreneur. A businessman one might say, something didn’t play well with hardworking peasants.

Carpentry was considered a wholesome occupation, where one gets exercise and sometimes fresh air, so it seemed like a plausible occupation for Jesus. An occupation that people could accept and somewhat embrace.

But if one thinks about it, to be a date wholesaler seems more credible as this would allow Jesus to plan his own time, so he could perform miracles, travel and whatnot.

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Laser is a funky threat

LASER (Light Amplification by Stimulated Emissions of Radiation) is, as we speak (or actually write) being used to entertain people in Discos and Clubs all over the world. If one were to visit a disco or “discotheque” you might experience a “light show” being, more or less always, orchestrated to correspond with the music. In the 70s when Discos began to pop up all over the world they used concentrated neon which is a gas and a chemical element to create this light-shows. Neon is more or less completely safe, if you exclude the Neon-disaster in 1912 causing 4,594 casualties Africa. But as humans learned to tame the element we immediately made good use of it, creating different signs which gave us knowledge of where to buy porn. As we humans not only like to watch porn, but also engage ourselves in sexual activities we wanted to meet a mate. And the Discos of the 70s could provide this opportunity. But to increase the lust, neon (in concentrated form) was being used to entertain the masses. Neon also rose our lust and a new baby boom was approaching. But unfortunately neon costs a lot of money, and Chuck LeMourn (a disco entrepreneur and pioneer) found out that LASER could be used instead, cutting the cost in half. But with the unfortunate side effect of lowering the lust and making many people sterile, LASER was rather unsafe. But what Chuck instead discovered was that LASER increased peoples alcohol tolerance. This made people drink more and in turn making Chuck a rich man, earning his buck on drunken buffoons that focused more on Tequila instead of getting lucky, thus robbing Discotheques from its original concept of increasing sex and lust with the common man. So the next time you visit a Disco/Club make sure they only use concentrated neon instead of future threatening LASER.

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The Oscars in 1973

In 1973 during the Oscar ceremony everybody knows (or remembers) Marlon Brando’s refusal when it came to accepting his Oscar he won for “The Godfather”. In his place, Sacheen Littlefeather came on stage and held a speech, explaining that Marlon Brando more or less boycott the Oscars, and that he disproves of the treatment of Native Americans. This is what happened, but Sacheen Littlefeather isn’t an Apache as she said in her speech. She actually came from a small colony of humans living between some layers in Lucio Fulci’s toilet paper.

On the way to the Oscars, Marlon Brando was sitting in his limo adjusting his tie. Suddenly his driver accidentally drove through a dimensional rip opening a portal to another world just left of the bar cabinet where Marlon Brando was sitting. By accident he got sucked in to the portal, and out came Sacheen Littlefeather (which actually is her real name). Marlon Brando’s driver screeched the tires, stopping the car when realising what had happened. Trying to save the situation, he wrote up some speech about the Native Americans, as Sacheen Littlefeather resembled one. She got instructions and the driver drove on, hoping nobody would suspect anything.

Marlon Brando on the other hand ended up in some kind of weird alternate universe place within our own. But much, much smaller. So small that it was located between some of the layers in the Italian horror film director Lucio Fulci’s toilet paper roll. This very small colony of people had an extremely short life expectancy as they couldn’t withstand the light from Lucio Fulci’s bathroom lamp. And when more and more layers of toilet paper disappeared the light grew stronger, leaving the people without any protection (kinda like the Ozone layer). But to counterweight this, the people living there aged incredibly fast, a human went from infant to fully grown in just 10 hours. Marlon who were confused and somewhat scared, searched for help. But found none as the inhabitants died quickly around him, due to a dinner party hosted by Lucio Fulci. This dinner party caused the toilet paper to run out faster than normal. Marlon who came from “our” world wasn’t sensitive to light so he was doomed to wander amongst the corpses alone.

At the same time at the Oscars, Miss Littlefeather, also rather confused, performed flawlessly. When she was done, the driver took her back to where the portal had emerged. Spending several hours driving back and forth until he finally found the portal and managed to get Sacheen Littlefeather back and retrieving Marlon Brando.

The only side effect for Mr. Brando after this ordeal was that his genetic code changed, making him increasingly obese.

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Max Planck vs. Anger & Joy

What people may not know is that two of our most common emotions, namely anger and joy, are victims of a mix-up, causing the two emotions being confused with each other. Anger is in fact joy and vice versa. When we feel angry, nerve synapses travel through our brain making us angry (in layman terms), the only thing wrong with this is that the nerve synapses is actually trigging our “joy-area” of the brain, making us happy. At the same time when we feel full of joy electric impulses rushing through our body is actually making us angry not happy. This confused many scientist, it was actually so confusing that even Niels Bohr, who was in fact a physicist became attracted by the enigma. Why do we feel angry when we get happy? Why do we get happy when we are angry? Niels Bohr’s colleague Max Planck came up with the idea of simply switching names on the two emotions, calling anger joy and vice versa, so when we feel joyful we get the feeling of joy, and when we get angry we get the feeling of anger. This stopped the confusion that had puzzled the science community for many years. Max Planck actually got his Nobel prize both for the quantum theory as the name switch of anger/joy.

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STAR WARS tried to warn us!

The original STAR WARS trilogy is actually a warning sent from ourself in the future. However, the makers of the warning didn’t realize that we (back in the 70s) couldn’t comprehend those VFX and SFX used in the warning. They tried to make the warning as realistic as possible, but we just thought it looked cool. But what was the warning? What did they want to tell us? And how about the later trilogy (episode 1-3)?

The answer to the last question is of course money. George Lucas, who was the finder (not the creator) of the original trilogy, claimed it as his own. Everybody has always wondered who George Lucas possibly could have created all those cool effects, the answer is that he didn’t. They were already there. That is also the reason to the lapse between the original trilogy and the new one, it was first in 1998-99 possible to create similar effects.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. WRONG! It was actually in OUR galaxy, those introductory words was added by George Lucas. But he didn’t remove the text in the beginning telling us about the political problems causing war in the future (an exact date is impossible to decide). The warning consist of the evil Lord Vader (former politician) who leads a war; good against evil (but which side is which?). Two sides with different ideologies fight each other. This is nothing new, we’ve seen it daily for decades. But the difference lies in the causalities. Even if wars like WWII killed a lot of people, it is nothing compared to the war that STAR WARS depict. The star wars (as it came to be called) took over billions of lives, whole planets were eradicated. After the star wars, economy, homes and life as we know it was destroyed. The universe never recuperated. We basically ruined the universe. A handful of people who survived this horrific holocaust managed to re-create the events, and send them back in time to warn us. Problems, however, occurred; they sent too far back in time. It was supposed to just go ten years back so that the responsible people could learn from their not yet made mistakes. But instead WE got the warning. Now we must figures out in which year it takes place. We must prevent this tragedy.

The evidence are there; the ships, laser sabres, the plot, the force. All tell the tale of a distant future, not some kind of sci-fi movie created by a flannel wearing director. It is preposterous to not see what the three “films” are trying to tell us. And of course we also need to stop George Lucas, profiting on other people’s misery.

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The hidden gender..

Long time ago, everybody had two genders. One between the legs and one on top their heads. And we still carry around the proof; namely our hair. The pubic hair’s purpose is to keep things from getting in, and keep us warm. However, some porn actors and actresses who live in California can survive even without pubic hair. But I wouldn’t advise people to try this, as this requires an extremely mild climate.

But why do we have hair on our heads? Many men shaves their heads and can survive just fine, so it’s not the warmth. The reason is simple, thousands of years ago, we had two genders, with two different purposes. One was for re-procreating, and one was for peeing. The human race however, became lazy and didn’t want to have sex standing on their hands, but also there were hygienic issues to (people got poop on their heads).

Evolution took care of this for us, and eventually the gender between our legs took care of both peeing and re-procreating, and the one on our heads started to disappear. But we still got hair on our heads. Some people even got a small gender like growth on their heads, covered with pubic hair, but we just call it “hair”.

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